15 years of better, worse, richer, poorer, sickness and health...

I've spent the last several days trying to think of a way to sum up 15 years of marriage and fit it all in to one single blog.  Should it be serious, sentimental, funny?  I am not sure I can sum it up, and I am positive I cannot stick to a single sentiment.  

The other night , l read through dozens of greeting cards at the grocery store and not a single one of them told MY story, they all told beautiful stories of love, romance, friendship and a just a whole lot of generic cheesiness.  My marriage has all of that, even the cheese, but each card contained at least one line that I would cross out, edit, add a disclaimer to, or follow up with a big fat LOL!   So, Christopher Kontos, husband of mine, instead you get to read my blog.  

15 years ago, I was a girl.  At 24, we think we are adults.  After all, the law defines us as such.  We are full of starry eyed ideals, a picture perfect image of what life, marriage, parenting, etc will all be about.  The idea of marriage is romantic and beautiful, conflicts will be resolved  before our heads hit the pillow, children will come easily and then they will be beautiful, perfectly behaved angels because why on earth would we raise them to be anything but? Heartache will come later in life and will be tackled and conquered together, it's us against the world. 

I'm not sure it's fair to say that the reality doesn't measure up.  In a way, the reality is even better.  It includes the struggle and the battles.  The struggles define us and can strengthen us.  They make us "us".  Somewhere amongst it all, we figure out the romance and the beauty isn't in the ideals, but in the reality.  And I can say, my reality is pretty imperfectly...perfect.  

15 years ago, I married my best friend.  So cliche' and a little cheesier than I am comfortable with, but he is that.  We walked down the aisle just kids, what we knew of each other was still relatively new and without complication.  It was a pretty fantastic day, and the first best day of my whole life!  

These last 15 years we spent growing up together.  We have grown as individuals, as a couple and as a family.  Along the way, we've written our own story, painted our own picture and even learned a little bit about this thing called marriage...

Our marriage is beautiful and really pretty awesome, but it can be hard.  We don't always work through the conflicts by bedtime, sometimes we just have to go to bed angry.   We can fight dirty, but usually we fight funny. Our best fights are those that end in laughter.   Sometimes I even forget that I am mad, say something nice, and then immediately take it back.   Sometimes it's hard staying mad...and sometimes it's really, really easy.  In the moment, it can be hard to remember that it's worth it.  In the end, it always is.  Conflict doesn't destroy marriage, the lack of being able to resolve conflict is what does.  Luckily, we are pretty successful at the resolution part.   I thank you Chris Kontos, for embracing communication.  

Our children came easily but getting through pregnancy was extremely challenging.  Our children are far from perfect.  No children are perfect and no matter how hard we try, we probably will screw them up a little.  In the process, they might screw us up a little in retaliation.  However, they are amazing, imperfect, messy little blessings whose births mark the next best days of my entire life ...and gosh darnit, we made them!  God bless their little souls.   

We don't get to avoid heartache, we don't even get to delay it.  Dang it.  It happens and we do tackle it together, but sometimes the grief can be lopsided and sometimes we can't fix it for each other.   Heartache sucks, and it's part of the package.  If anything good comes from grief, it's the clarity of the blessings that are present.  My life is full of blessings, and my marriage is at the top of the list.  

You can't hide when you are married, the person you choose to spend your life with sees you, they see all of you.  They see you at your worst, they see you at your best.  They see you when you wake up in the morning, they watch you as you age, they see your fluctuations in weight, your stretch marks, post surgical oozing and swelling, they see your puffy eyes when you cry, your snot, your acne, your pinkeye,  your first gray hairs, they see it ALL.  It's pretty humbling.

If you are really lucky, they look at you and see YOU,  just you....and they continue loving you.  

Boys smell, they just do.  What surprised me is that little girls do too, and they think it's HILARIOUS.  Sometimes it's gross living with people.

We had to learn the word "compromise" and we had to get pretty good at it.  It's easy to align your dreams/values pre-marriage, but big things come up post nuptials.  These are tests, they test how well we are at compromise.   This is a hard one for me, sometimes your partner makes choices that effect you (like second businesses & working a gazillion-gabillion extra hours ;)), and you either fight forever or compromise.  Compromise means being mature.  It's really hard to be a grown up.   Someday, maybe I will be one.  Maybe...

Laughter is the BEST,  it really is.  There is nothing better, sometimes I feel like my family is a sitcom, or a poorly scripted "reality" show.  We're weird.  Charming, but weird.  I love it and wouldn't change it for anything.  I hope my kids find weird love,  and can always have fun with the person they marry.   

I didn't only marry my best friend, but I married the best father for my daughters.  They will always know how if feels to be cherished and valued by a man and hopefully they will never ever settle for anything less.  They lucked out.  They should thank me for that ;)  

Someday, our children will move out...or even away (gulp), and it will be just us again.  I'm so lucky that after 15 years, I still LOVE the "just us".  We are pretty good at it.  

I think the most important thing I have learned in the last 15 years is that I am where I belong.  That the fear of failure is far less scary than the idea of missing out on the whole lovely, wonderful and sometime treacherous journey that is marriage.  That I am not alone, I have a partner, one who I have chosen and one who has chosen me.  We made a vow 15 years ago to love each other through better, worse, richer, poorer, in sickness and in health.  We've done it, the better, worse, the richer, poorer, sickness and health thing--and it's only just the beginning.  ( I'm not even going to say that last part, because YUCK!  I am a hypochondriac and it just freaks me out, but you know how the rest of the saying goes  ;)) 

Happy Anniversary Christopher Kontos--I love you even more today, I have cherished our journey and I am so ready for the adventures ahead!

Muah!