Karmichael the Elf

"They" say the road to hell is paved with good intentions. A few years ago, our hell came in the form of one magical little elf.   Before we really knew what the Elf on the Shelf was, we enthusiastically invited one into our home.  It sounded like a good idea at first.  A fun way to build up Christmas, keep our kids in check and add more whimsy to our holiday season.   The older child was fascinated, the little one was terrified.  A spying, tattle tell elf with a creepy, set expression randomly showing up wherever it wanted was far from welcome in her world.   Each night we would have to reassure Caimbry that the elf had strict instructions from Santa that it could NOT show up in her room, some mornings we would have to check her room for her before she could even open her eyes, just to make sure her elf hadn't disobeyed Santa.   She's not a rule follower, so why would her elf be?   Christmas morning brought treasures, smiles, giggles AND finally relief,  the elf went back to his own home and Caimbry could relax, sleep through the night and not fear morning.

The following year the elf was nowhere to be found (it sounds convenient, but we REALLY couldn't find it), Caimbry didn't mention it and we all pretended like that one horrifying December had never happened.  However, the next year, elves had moved into households everywhere....creative, friendly, mischievous elves cleverly bringing joy to children throughout the Walla Walla valley.  Where was Caimbry's elf?  Why didn't Caimbry's elf show up LAST year?  Caimbry wanted her elf.  Oh crap.  Where WAS Caimbry's elf?  It wasn't until we were digging deep in the back of the liquor cabinet for some rum to add to my hot buttered cup of goodness that we realized our one traumatic December hadn't only traumatized us but it had also driven our elf to seek solace in the cabinet containing the booze, probably the only clever idea our elf has ever had!  We immediately forced him back on the wagon and made him get to work bringing our children joy.  Almost every night he would fly back to the North Pole, tell Santa that C was naughty (9 times out of 10), and reappear in a new spot.  Easy enough.  Times have changed though, little did we know that our elf was completely dull and dysfunctional.  It just sat there.  Some nights it didn't even waste the trip back to the NP and would still be in the same spot the very next day.  Our elf was broken.  Other elves turned milk green, hung from rafters, defaced photographs, had tea parties with stuffed animals and made unwelcome advances towards Barbies everywhere.  Caimbry would come home from school with fantastical stories about all of the amazing, silly things her friends elves were doing.  It was time for her elf to step it up or fall off the wagon for good.  

It's been a few years now since our elf was given a name,  a few years and plenty of time to forget it.   We're forgetters.  This year, Caimbry decided to name her elf again.  She also tried changing his gender but we told her that should be his idea and we shouldn't confuse him.  His name is Karmichael, Karma would have been his girl name.  It fits.  I mean, its kind of his job to bring Karma-good or bad.  This year Caimbry told him that he could report to Santa that she was going to allow him to show up in her room, that she wasn't scared anymore.  She also tries giving him suggestions of cool things he can do since he "tends to need a little help".   He's trying this year,  he made himself a banana hammock (tee hee) to sleep in the other night and then last night he got into my ribbons and made himself a swing to hang from my house plant.  He's not very naughty...I think he senses I have my hands full with Caimbry and doesn't want me to have to clean up after any of his misadventures.  

There are questions this year though.  Gotta love the questions.  I've had the same ones though.  Why, if the elf comes from the NP, why do they sell them on the shelves at B&N?  (I also have a beef with all of the bins everywhere, even the grocery store, labeled "stocking stuffers"--my kids read and it's not like Santa buys stocking stuffers at Safeway, but I digress).   Luckily, I can just tell Caimbry that I don't remember the first day our elf appeared, that just like her, I blocked it out.  Elves are people, and you shouldn't really buy them, I do my fair share of trying to screw my kids up,  but a black market for elves just seems wrong.   "Silly Caimbry, you can't BUY elves"  seems to do for now...

This elf business is hard work, you walk a thin line between making memories and emotional scarring.  We've managed to do both in just a short time.  I guess it's all part of parenting.  Screw our kids up and then do our very best to fix them.   Caimbry might get a prepaid therapy voucher in her stocking...I just hope Karmichael sticks around to have a drink with me.  

Edited to add---
Shortly after our first seemingly successful season with Karmichael, Caimbry was "organizing" and found not one but two hidden elves.  Our memory is fuzzy and we aren't exactly sure how and when the second elf came to be.  I'm sure somewhere in that couple year bender that Karmichael spent in the liquor cabinet, we must have replaced him with a new, more reliable elf.  It wasn't a good day for Caimbry, it's already kind of creepy having one around at Christmas, it's really very creepy when they stick around and multiply.  She questioned us and we told her not to feed it after midnight or get it wet, what else can you say??  This year she really, really wants to believe...she tells me that dad is the creepy elf and the inept tooth "ferry" with terrible spelling, but she is afraid if she admits it out loud that the magic will end.  I've told her that the magic lasts as long as she entertains it (which, secretly I hope is always, even if it keeps her from dating, ESPECIALLY if it keeps her from dating).  It's bittersweet to admit, this could very well be our last magical year with Karmichael.   I guess it's time to step it up and make it good!